Cardi's Furniture Stories

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Brevity: Cardi B

by TheNewcomer on Sep 24, 2019
Celebrities & Fan Fiction

"Where's your husband at?" Brandon stepped into the marvelous mansion and tried to hold in his envy. That was interrupted after he asked a stupid question to the owner of the home. Cardi turned and pushed her hair back. "Nickel, you came ovah to mah fuckin' table and dropped ya banana into my 'rita like a stir stick," she said angrily. And a bit drunk. "Th...

Cardi B vs Nikki Minaj

by DickThePimp on Oct 8, 2018
Celebrities & Fan Fiction

This is a freaky ass fucktastic sex parody... It ain't real... But it's hot "I invited both you ladies here tonight, to do a spread, that'll knock out every other porn mag spread. It's, Cardi B vs Nikki Minaj. Two hotties showing those hot ass bodies. "Well daddy.... You can see my hot ass body anytime you want... but that bitch, can suck a dick. Ho." Card...

Ass Fuckers Ch. 01

by DickThePimp on Sep 28, 2020
Celebrities & Fan Fiction

"Yeah... he's starting a new series. It's called Ass Fuckers. Pretty simple." My wife Beth Chapman laughs on the phone. She's talking to my other wife, music goddess of goddesses Cardi B. "Damn... daddy can't get enough of dat ass. I fucking love it!" Cardi loves my idea. "Yeah. I'm thinking of maybe a double anal with him and Spence (The King Of Queens)....

Beyonce: The Bondage Queen

by DickThePimp on Jul 11, 2018
Celebrities & Fan Fiction

THIS IS A PARODY...IT IS FICTION...IT IS NOT REAL *** Beyoncé decided she needed a break from all the stress she dealt with in her professional life. She secretly had fantasized about being a dominatrix for years. Interracial, Bondage and S&M porn always turned her on immensely, so she decided to open up her very own, very exclusive, Interracial S&M club....

Playboy Goes Trashy Ch. 01

by DickThePimp on Sep 28, 2020
Celebrities & Fan Fiction

VERY MUCH A PARODY... 50% SATIRICAL SARCASM... 50% OVER THE TOP TRASHY HUMOR... 100% PURE FUCKED UP FILTH... NOT REAL AT ALL... PURELY FOR PERVERTED ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY... PEACE Episode 01 : Welcome To The New Playboy Playboy Mansion... Holmby Hills... "TAKE IT, BITCH! FUCK! TAKE THAT DICK! FUCK YEAH!" "GOD!! FUCK ME, BABY! FUCK MEEEEEEEEEE!! UH...

Spence The Pornstar Ch. 04

by DickThePimp on Jun 3, 2019
Celebrities & Fan Fiction

Sex Fiction... Perverted And Dirty But Not Real Spence's porn career has been going great. His movies are all big hits... and he's making us... especially me... a lot of money. Kim (Kardashian) has been keeping on top of things, making sure Spence (The King Of Queens) doesn't do anything stupid to mess up his new porn stud image. It's a tough job... but my...

The Couch Afffaire

by scifivxn on Sep 11, 2017
Toys & Masturbation

You don't see much about my fetish online. You can google 'old fat lesbians crapping in fetish gear' and find it within two sites. You can find midget sex and girls being fucked by huge Technicolor dildos attached to stainless steel perpetual motion machines reminiscent of Jules Verne. But nowhere to be found is furniture frotteurism. It's slightly disconcer...

Hardwood

by Prizmatic on Sep 1, 2017
Humor & Satire

Assumably everyone knows who the Keno brothers are--those cute little hottie twins that appraise furniture on Antiques Roadshow. If I ever have a threesome, it'll be with them, although so far they've managed to resist the lure of the antique furniture at my place. Of course this story is pure fiction...but we can dream, can't we? One note: Duncan Phyfe was...

Furniture Shopping with a Hooker

by KimberlyV on Jul 14, 2020
Humor & Satire

Don't get me wrong I'm a girl who loves shopping, but furniture shopping is by no means my favorite activity. I hate those giant, furniture warehouse showrooms, full of odd-looking furniture. Worst of all they always have overly pushy commissioned salespeople hungry to sell you anything they can. Unfortunately, as a prostitute, I've found regularly replacing...

High Rise Exhibitionist

by R_U_Romantic on Sep 14, 2017
Fetish

As I signed the lease and handed the agent, Stephanie Peters a check for two grand to cover the security deposit and first months rent I found it hard to believe I'd actually left my wife and agreed to lease apartment number 1215 in Kurtz House for the next year. I had next to nothing to put in this $1,000.00 a month apartment with the exception of a couple...